


He's Everything You Want

by universalromance



Series: Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Academy Era, Demisexual Spock, M/M, academy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:54:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universalromance/pseuds/universalromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or five times James Kirk tried to get in Cadet Spock's pants and one time Spock managed to get in Jim's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Everything You Want

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt from the wonderful setphaserstofuckme on tumblr: _AOS Spirk, Academy AU where they're both students at the same time, and Spock is actually demisexual (if you don't know what that means, look it up, cause I can't really explain it well) and they meet (maybe they have a few classes together or something idk) and eventually start dating. Also Jim is pan/omnisexual but he doesn't sleep with too many people he just likes flirting._
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, I know there's a lot of touchiness surrounding demisexuality because of how at first it comes off as asexuality. I tried to negate that a little by giving Spock a desire for contact with Jim's mind which evolves into a physical desire for his body. I really hope this doesn't offend anybody. I'm basing it off my own experience as a demisexual: I'm first attracted to intelligence over everything and then a sexual attraction CAN occur but doesn't always, it just depends on whether I feel I need that extra intimacy with someone I have feelings for.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys. It's my first 5+1 Fic. And thank you once again to setphaserstofuckme for the excellent prompt!

x

The first time Jim saw Cadet Spock, the first and only Vulcan to enter Starfleet, was at their welcoming ceremony during the address delivered by Admiral Komack. Jim was lazing in his seat beside Bones, scanning his fellow first year cadets for any potential dates when his eyes landed on the silky, dark bowl cut framing elegantly pointed ears that could only belong to a Vulcan. He sat up straight at that and stared harder, taking in everything about this guy’s profile. He was sitting ramrod straight, his cadet uniform in perfect condition, eyes trained respectfully on the Admiral, drinking in his every word.

Jim completely tuned out Komack’s words on the values of Starfleet and how promising they all looked, yada, yada, to focus on the Vulcan. He didn’t fidget. He adjusted his position in his seat once and Jim was impressed. He was starting to get restless with how long Komack had been droning yet this was the first time the Vulcan had even indicated he was becoming tired of sitting. He was gorgeous in profile with high cheek bones and porcelain skin, the slightly green cast only noticeable as he was surrounded by red-blooded Humans. He had a long neck and from this far Jim could only just see but it looked like he had long, fingers too. Though he was sitting so straight he somehow made it look elegant.

He was fucking gorgeous.

Jim was shifting in his seat so much that Bones elbowed him and glared pointedly when Jim pouted at him. He just wanted this ceremony over so he could find that Vulcan before someone else could snaffle him up.

Finally, _finally_ , the ceremony was brought to a close and the cadets filed out after the official party had left the hall. Jim hurried out his row and looked around. He spotted the man with Vulcan-perfect posture leaving through the doors at the top right of the hall and Jim made his way over, brushing between cadets and grumbling when he couldn’t find a gap to push through. He had no idea where Bones was but he was far more concerned with his quarry.

Jim finally caught up with him just one of the side doors that provided a shortcut back to student accommodation. He slipped in front of the Vulcan as he was reaching for the door, his most charming smile firmly in place. He leant on the door, arranging his body quickly in what he hoped was an appealing pose and the Vulcan stared at him with one slanted eyebrow arched in question.

God those eyes. They were a beautiful chestnut brown. Much softer and open than Jim had expected of a Vulcan’s eyes.

“Hi, Jim Kirk.”

“I am Spock.” The Vulcan spoke dismissively, clearly hoping to clear Jim away so he could leave.

“You got any other names?” he asked.

“None that you could pronounce,” Spock responded

“Try me,” Jim smirked.

“I would rather not. If you will excuse me.” Spock made to turn and move away but Jim darted around in front of him again.

“Oh come on, that’s just rude. I just introduced myself to you and you run off,” Jim complained, pouting attractively.

Spock appeared taken aback. As taken aback as a Vulcan could appear, Jim supposed.

“What would you suggest is the correct procedure?” Spock questioned.

“You let me take you to dinner,” Jim proposed.

“It is sixteen-hundred hours.”

“Drinks and then dinner then.” Jim could feel he was losing the battle here.

“Alcohol does not affect Vulcans in the way it does Humans, thus it would be pointless of me to partake,” Spock countered. “I require meditation.”

“Tea then!” Jim tried as the Vulcan walked past him, turning to watch him go. “Vulcans like tea right?”

Spock turned then and looked at him curiously. “Is the outcome you desire from the proposed interaction sexual intercourse?”

Jim felt his face flush and he averted his eyes.

“Fascinating... Have a good evening, Mr Kirk.”

Jim gritted his teeth as he heard the amusement in the Vulcan’s tone. He was much more emotive than Jim had expected and it was both frustrating and enticing. This wasn’t the end. He was going to call that Vulcan his even if it killed him.

xx

Jim meandered along to the room he’d been told the Xenolinguistics club would be meeting for the first time of the academic year. He didn’t have room in his condensed course load for any languages but considering he was already fluent in several alien tongues on top of several Earth languages he didn’t suppose it mattered so joining this club was one of the only extracurricular activities he was interested in. He’d tried to cajole Bones into joining him but the doctor claimed he had enough of his plate trying to prove to the academy he didn’t need to take any of the basic medical classes since he ‘ _already has_ his MD damn it!’

Jim entered through the open door and lit up at the sight of his favourite Vulcan – who cared if he was the only Vulcan Jim had met since he was fourteen (he didn’t like to think about that) he could still be his favourite. Time for take two on getting Spock to go on a date with him and then let him become intimately acquainted with that delectably pale skin.

Over the last two weeks since classes had begun, Jim had seen Spock in several of his command track courses but the Vulcan either didn’t notice him or purposefully placed himself as far away from Jim as possible during lectures and forums. Well, not this time, this time he was going to talk to him.

Jim marched over with purpose, waylaying the few people who tried to stop him to flirt, and dropped into the seat beside Spock, interrupting his conversation with Uhura, the cadet Jim had flirted shamelessly with back in Riverside. It appeared she remembered, if the glare she aimed at him was any indication – that or she too wanted the gorgeous Vulcan sitting between them, and if that was the case well... Jim saw him first.

“Mr Kirk,” Spock said, voice tinted with mild surprise. “I was not aware you had an interest in Xenolinguistics. You are in none of the requisite classes.”

“No time,” Jim shrugged. Spock not-frowned at him then nodded.

“You are condensing your course.”

“Sure am, I’m getting through in three years if it kills me. Who knows, maybe you’ll serve under me on a ship once you’re done.” Jim winked for good measure, making sure he caught the double entendre.

The tips of Spock’s ears tinted green but Uhura jumped in before he could respond.

“Spock’s tested out of most of the requisite classes for one of his two tracks. He’ll probably graduate before you do,” she said snidely, eyeing Jim with condescension.

“Two tracks?” Jim whistled. “I knew Vulcans were smart, but _damn_. Don’t tell me, you’re science and... command?”

Spock blinked. Jim took that as surprise. “What evidence did you use to draw this conclusion?”

“I’m right aren’t I? It was literally a guess.” Jim shrugged. “Or maybe we knew each other in a past life and I know all about you so I could just tell.”

Spock responded with the Vulcan equivalent of a scoff – raising both eyebrows and using a condescending tone when he responded with, “you are most illogical.”

Jim’s smile widened. “So, which track have you tested out of almost?”

“Your grammar is atrocious,” Uhura muttered.

“As I studied for several years with the VSA before choosing to join Starfleet, it is only logical that I would test out of the academy’s science courses,” Spock explained after a glance towards Uhura whose arms were folded and legs crossed, turned slightly away from the two of them.

“You left the VSA? Isn’t studying there, like, the most prestigious thing for a scientist?” Jim wondered. Spock nodded once. “Why did you leave?”

“I...” He paused, almost – _almost_ – looking uncomfortable with the train of the conversation. But he was saved from answering when an instructor entered the room and called them to order to begin with the formalities for the academic year. They then paired off to discuss language specialties and difficulties. Jim’s hand on Spock’s arm stopped him from pairing with somebody else.

He seemed largely unaffected by Jim’s flirting before so he turned it up a little, using as many cheesy pickup lines from other languages that he could.

“You speak multiple languages and their dialects with astounding efficiency for a Human,” Spock noted, returning to Standard as the tips of his ears flamed jade again after Jim’s latest choice phrase in Andorian.

“You know, you could just say ‘Jim, you have a talented tongue’... or I could just show you...” Jim winked and this time the flush spread onto Spock’s cheeks. “After I take you to dinner of course. Tonight?”

“Jesus, Kirk, you really can’t help yourself.” Uhura had returned to them, having gotten bored with her partner probably. “Do you need to sleep with _everything_ that moves?”

Jim frowned up at her. “Not everything.”

“Not what I’ve heard.”

Jim looked away so he didn’t say something he’d regret out of anger. Sure he’d gone out on quite a few dates in the couple of weeks since the year had started but he certainly didn’t sleep with all his dates. People just assumed he did and nobody corrected the assumptions. He usually didn’t mind but right now he didn’t need Uhura slut-shaming him and making Spock look down on him.

“Besides, I think it’s clear Spock isn’t interested in you so cut it out with your disgusting lines,” she added.

Jim’s eyes narrowed as he looked back at her.

“I thank you Nyota, but I am quite capable of speaking my own mind should I wish somebody to leave me alone,” Spock said calmly, rising from his chair. “I believe I shall retire.”

Uhura blinked in surprise and Jim felt a brush of something warm unfurling in his chest. He jumped up and moved after Spock, catching up with him halfway down the hall.

“You didn’t answer me,” he commented casually as he fell into step with him. “Dinner?”

Spock considered him for a moment. He didn’t speak for some time and Jim’s heart sank. When they reached the outside of the building Spock turned to him and Jim readied himself to accept another rejection.

“I am expecting a video call from my mother this evening,” Spock told him. “But... perhaps tomorrow?”

Jim looked up and a smile spread across his face. “Seriously?”

“I am a vegetarian,” Spock informed him briskly, seeming a little embarrassed. “And I like to dine at nineteen hundred hours.”

“Sure. Nineteen hundred. I won’t be late.”

“If you are, I will have to rethink my acceptance,” Spock replied. “Good night, Mr Kirk.”

“Jim. If we’re going on a date, you should call me Jim.”

“I never agreed to a date, merely dinner. Good night, Jim.” Spock’s eyes took in his face for a moment before he turned and walked off leaving Jim dumbfounded.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say he was just teased by a Vulcan.

xxx

Jim spent such a long time pondering his wardrobe the next afternoon after classes that Bones approached him with a tricorder and a frown.

“Bones! Jeez! I’m not sick!” Jim protested, batting his hands away.

“You’re acting like a lovestruck teenager, what else am I supposed to think?” Bones mumbled, tossing the tricorder on his bed. “Are you honestly this concerned? You’re going on a date with a member of the most repressed species in the known universe, do you really think he’s going to care what you wear?”

“If I wanna get him in bed by the end of the night then yes,” Jim mumbled. “I need to make him want me. How do you make a Vulcan want you?”

“I always heard chess was like Vulcan foreplay.” Bones sat down and watched as Jim compared two button down shirts. “Okay, look out.” He nudged Jim away and rifled through his clothes for a moment before handing him a pair of dark-wash jeans and a black t-shirt with a dark blue button down. “Put these on and don’t even think about changing them between now and when you go.”

Jim studied the ensemble for a moment before smiling and nodding in approval.

“I knew you’d be good for something,” he commented genially. “Why else would I keep you around after you threw up on me?”

Bones glowered at him so Jim escaped to the bathroom to get ready. He made it over to Spock’s room several minutes early and waited until it was exactly nineteen hundred to press the alert. Spock answered the door with an almost-smile.

“I believed your actions are something my mother would class as a smartass,” was t he greeting Jim received. Jim frowned. That didn’t sound like something a Vulcan woman would say. He wanted to state as much but was suddenly distracted by Spock’s clothes. He was dressed in blacks but they were casual clothes, more casual than Jim expected. He scanned up and down the Vulcan’s body, taking in the pants and skivvy that clung to his frame tantalisingly.

“I was lead to believe this was appropriate attire for our outing, was I misinformed?”

It took Jim a moment to process the question and he looked up at Spock to find him avoiding Jim’s eyes. Was he self-conscious?

“No, it’s fine. I just... I didn’t really expect it. That’s all,” Jim shrugged. “You look great actually. Better than great...” Jim let his eyes scan Spock’s body again and when he once again looked at his face his ears were green but he looked disapproving.

“I would like to inform you that if your intention for dining with me tonight was to... ‘get in my pants’, we have both made an error and it would be better that we not proceed.”

Jim blinked in surprise. Someone, three guesses who, had indeed been filling Spock’s head with copious exaggerations about Jim’s dating habits. He was a little hurt that Spock had chosen to believe them and almost lied and said ‘yes’ to him to spare the embarrassment of having him believe he was going on a date with the academy bike. He opened his mouth to say as much when Spock interrupted him.

“I have offended you,” he noted. “I noticed as much yesterday when Nyota made reference to your supposedly extensive social life. Am I to understand these assumptions are false?”

Jim stared at him in shock and nodded. “Yeah... I flirt a lot but most of the time that’s where it ends.”

Spock nodded, seeming satisfied. “Very well. Let us proceed. But my statement stands. I am not accompanying you tonight for this to result in sexual intercourse. I wish to better know you.”

Jim blinked in surprise and turned away to hide the fact that he was blushing as they began walking.

“Me too,” he mumbled.

This had to be a first. Somebody was interesting in getting to know him? He felt bad for his fantasies involving the Vulcan spread out on his bed, all that beautiful skin his for the taking now. He wasn’t lying though when he said he wanted to get to know Spock. He was the only Vulcan in Startfleet. He’d left the VSA to come here. He intrigued Jim. He challenged him. Not many people challenged Jim, it was why he dropped out of high school.

Plus, if chess really was Vulcan foreplay, ooh he was gonna let Spock know pretty damn well how bad he wanted to be in his pants.

Jim lead Spock to a small cafe tucked away in an alley he’d stumbled upon his first week here. He’d checked yesterday and they served a varied vegetarian menu and about a hundred different kinds of tea. He really hoped this was alright. Wanting to impress Spock had crept up on him suddenly yesterday after he’d accepted his invitation to dinner, but he was sticking to it. How many people got the chance to go on a date with a Vulcan?

Bones would probably ask Jim how many people would _want_ to then accuse him of being insane.

“I have not been here,” Spock commented.

“It’s nice. They do great coffee, better than any place on campus,” Jim explained. “Two, gorgeous, thanks,” he added to the waitress who skipped up to them with a bright smile. She blushed at Jim’s compliment and showed them to a table.

“Your desire to flirt with most individuals you come across is astounding,” Spock noted.

“I can’t help it. But if it makes you feel better, you’re the funnest to flirt with. Nobody else I flirt with blushes green on their ears,” Jim grinned. Spock looked away from him, ears taking on the aforementioned blush in response. “And you react so easily. I thought Vulcans had this uber intense control thing going on.”

Spock’s embarrassment disappeared as his face shut down. Jim realised then that his expression had been relatively open which explained how he’d been able to read the slight emotions underneath. Now that was all gone.

“Uh... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” Jim frowned, unsure exactly how he’d offended Spock but their waitress returned with menus and took their drink orders. “I put my foot in my mouth a lot. Just tell me when I’m being an ass and I’ll stop.”

Spock let out a small breath. “The fault it my own. I find it difficult to maintain my controls around you. Your humanity is intense.”

“Um... I think that was meant to be offensive but I’m not sure how.”

Spock’s expression lightened. “From another Vulcan it would be. I am not fully Vulcan. My mother is a Human. As such, I grew up around a woman of intense and beautiful Humanity. I find you similar to her in some ways, so I...”

“Let your guard down.” Jim smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Spock.”

“Perhaps not here. But were we on Vulcan, around my species... You asked why I left the Vulcan Science Academy, the answer is due to my own humanity. Those I worked alongside saw my Human heritage as a weakness, they viewed my mother as a weakness, I found it difficult to be around those who thought that way so I chose to accept the offer I had received from Starfleet three years prior and left.”

Spock studied his clasped hands, seeming embarrassed again. He’d just shared something really personal with Jim, something he didn’t have to but chose to anyway. Jim could definitely see the influence of his mother but he didn’t see how it made him weak. It made him unique. Infinite diversity, that was a Vulcan philosophy right?

He mentioned it to Spock who nodded. “ _Kol-ut-shan_. I believe it is a case of hypocrisy, most of my species are unable to ‘practise what they preach’.”

Jim smiled and decided Spock deserved him to return the favour of personal sharing. He waited until the waitress brought their drinks and took their meal orders before he spoke.

“I wasn’t going to join Starfleet... I didn’t finish high school,” he said, staring at the bubbles rising in his coke. He could feel Spock’s eyes on him but he didn’t interrupt. “Pike found me in a bar, convinced me to join. I was a mess, really, so it’s a good thing he did. But before that... I dropped out of high school when I was sixteen and I’ve been kicking it on my own ever since.”

“Your family...?”

“I’m sure you made the connection with my name? A smart guy like you?” Jim looked up and Spock nodded.

“You are George Kirk’s son.”

“Right. So he’s dead. My mother hasn’t been able to look at me since I was about six. She abandoned me and my brother Sam with our uncle, Frank. Sam ran away a few years later and then I did too. Frank was... he was a mean bastard. So I went to live with some old friends of my dad’s... on Tarsus IV.”

Jim looked up to find Spock’s gaze intense. He hesitated in continuing and Spock shook his head slowly.

“You do not need to continue, Jim,” he said softly. “I can understand. Somebody of your intellect who had suffered and intense trauma – with no support network – would of course choose to abandon a regimented existence.”

Jim laughed, an empty sound even to his own ears. “You mean I was fucked up and ran away?”

Spock hummed and sipped at his jasmine tea. “I would not put it in such terms.”

“But it’s the truth. And I’m still kind of fucked up, just so you know.”

Spock’s lips twitched in what might have been a smile. “I believe that is something I can put up with.”

Jim laughed again, genuinely this time. It seemed to please Spock who steered the conversation towards their tactics course, both of them having been pushed up to the advanced course. Their conversation flowed naturally and Spock seemed pleased to have a conversation partner who was almost his intellectual equal.

“My secret passion is actually books,” Jim admitted after he coaxed Spock into admitting he enjoyed earth cuisine. “Like real, solid, paper, cloth and leather books. My dad had a huge collection that have been left to me. They’re all antique, some of them over a hundred years old. There’s just something about being able to sit with a story in your hands. And the smell...” He trailed off, cheeks flushing as he realised Spock was watching him with that twinkle in his eyes and slight quirk of his lips that meant he was smiling.

“Sorry... getting too emotional again aren’t I?”

“I would ask you not to apologise for being Human, Jim,” Spock informed him. “Though you are among the most illogical beings I have ever met, I enjoy listening to your stories, emotional as they are.”

Jim smiled. “Do you want dessert? They make a mean chocolate mud cake, not replicated.”

Spock declined. “Chocolate is not something I partake in.”

“No alcohol? No chocolate? What kind of life are you living, man?”

“My own.” Spock gave him a disapproving look and Jim laughed, calling for the cheque and paying before Spock could form any kind of argument.

They walked slowly back to campus, in complete silence. When they reached Spock’s room Jim hesitated. This is usually when he’d be pressing his date against the door in a heated kiss before being invited inside for the real date. But Spock had firmly said no sex, and Jim wasn’t fool enough to think he’d changed his mind.

“I will see you in our tactics lecture in the morning,” Spock commented, turning to Jim.

“Oh, you’re going to acknowledge me this time?” Jim teased.

“Perhaps. Good night, Jim.” Spock left him then without waiting for a reply and Jim smiled.

This was the first time he’d taken out someone he was insanely attracted to and didn’t end the night with crazy sex before never seeing them again. Spock was different though, he was really seeing that now. Normally he’d be running for the hills but this time... this time he wanted to see where it might go. If Spock was different to everyone else in his life... maybe this would be too.

xxxx

By the third time they’d gone out for dinner Spock was finally calling it a date and he even let Jim kiss him goodnight, albeit quickly. Jim had tried to hold his hand at one point and Spock had refused adamantly. Offended, Jim had gone to Bones who provided him with a book on Vulcans. It turned out their hands were erogenous zones and holding Spock’s hand was like groping somebody else in public. Since he wouldn’t let Jim kiss him, _really_ kiss him, it made sense he wouldn’t let him hold his hand.

They had been dating, officially – Jim considered the third date the official start since that was when Spock decided to recognise it as dating – for a month and he really wanted to be able to do more than peck his boyfriend on the mouth or brush their fingers together in what Spock had demonstrated was a Vulcan form of kiss, an acceptable show of affection in public. But he never let Jim have any more than that.

He just didn’t understand why and it was becoming frustrating. At first he thought it was a Vulcan thing but the book didn’t say anything about ‘no sex’ during courtship. He supposed it must just be Spock then.

Regardless, it was frustrating.

One night when Spock was stuck studying for one of the many classes he was taking due to his double track, Jim went to a party rather than hang out in his room and annoy him until he either sent Jim away or gave it and went out. He spent most of the night doing shots with Gary Mitchell, a cadet in some of his courses. He was cajoled into drinking contests with others when they realised how much he was putting away but around one am he managed to leave the party without anybody dragging him back.

He stumbled out to the curb and called for an aircar to take him back to the academy. Everything was hazy and all the lights looked so pretty to him. He stumbled out after paying and waved off the driver wanting to help him back to his room.

He didn’t want to go to his room anyway.

In almost no time at all he found himself out front of Spock’s door and pressed the buzzer in a cheery little tune so that he was giggling and still pressing it by the time Spock opened the door, looking as if Jim had just woken him up.

And boy did he look perfectly fuckable with slightly fuzzy hair and sleepy eyes.

“Jim?”

“Ssssspock,” Jim drawled and stumbled into his boyfriend. Spock frowned down at him as he steadied him, carefully keeping his hands away from Jim’s skin. “Spock. Mmm, smell good.” Jim nuzzled into Spock’s shoulder, breathing deeply. Spock was so nice and soft. Jim wanted to sleep here tonight.

“You are drunk.” That sounded like a sigh. Jim giggled again.

“Yep.”

Spock dragged him inside and pushed him down on the couch that took up the space that would be a second bed in any other dorm. But Spock was special so he got his own room. Jim watched Spock moving around and he returned with a glass of water and forced him to drink it. Jim ended up letting most of it slop down his front so Spock gave up and placed it aside. He was distracted and not looking at Jim so he tackled him down on the couch, Spock letting out a surprised sound that Jim laughed at.

“I caught you,” he hiccupped, laughing hard as he laid on Spock’s chest. “I never catch youuuuuu....”

“Fascinating, rather than slurring your words you seem to draw them out,” Spock murmured. Jim lifted himself up, grinning down at Spock before dropping down and pressing their mouths together hungrily. Spock just looked so good, he needed to be kissed.

He protested and Jim pulled back.

“Don’t you want me?” he asked sadly. He rolled his hips down against Spock’s thigh and the Vulcan gasped again, eyes widening and cheeks flushing a little green. “I want you. But... you don’t want me. Why don’t you want me?”

Spock sighed and pushed Jim up. “You need to sleep, _ashayam_.”

Jim frowned. He didn’t understand that word. And he didn’t understand why Spock didn’t want to kiss him. But he let himself be pulled up, undressed to his boxers and tucked into the bed. His last sight before he fell asleep was Spock looking down at him almost sadly. But that couldn’t be right. Why would Spock be sad?

xxxxx

After the extreme embarrassment of waking up, hung over, in his boyfriend’s bed, Jim avoided Spock. He remembered everything perfectly and Spock had been weird when he woke up. He didn’t know what to think. He remembered clearly that there had been no physical reaction from Spock. No jump in his pulse, no flush to his skin except the one of bashfulness when Jim had demonstrated his own need. No erection. He had to face facts. Spock wasn’t attracted to him. Hell he might not even be attracted to men. Maybe he only wanted Jim for his brain.

He wondered if he should end it. But the idea hurt. It hurt more than he liked to think about. In the month and a half since he’d went on his first date with Spock he done something he didn’t think possible: he’d fallen in love with someone. He’d fallen in love with the way Spock raised his eyebrows to communicate his responses to Jim being illogical, he loved how he would casually give Jim Vulcan kisses at the cafe they now frequented while Jim was in the middle of some ludicrous story about his fellow cadets, he loved how Spock would go off on his version of an excited ramble when speaking about work in the science labs. He loved how some nights they went out to the courtyard when it was really late and the lights were all off and just stared up at the stars together, not speaking, but both knowing they would be out there together one day. He loved the little crease between Spock’s eyes when he was trying to understand a Human idiom. He loved Spock’s voice. He loved his eyes the most though, his very Human eyes.

Everything about Spock was perfect to Jim.

But if he didn’t feel the same...

He went over to Spock’s room, intending to break it off but when he recognised relief in Spock’s eyes when he answered the door to find Jim there gave him pause.

“I owe you an explanation,” Spock said once they were inside.

“I owe you an apology,” Jim countered.

“You do not. It is I who should apologise. I did not endeavour to push you away with my lack of physical intimacy,” Spock said, sitting next to Jim on the couch and clasping his hands together in his lap the way he did when he was nervous. “It is just that I found I did not know how to explain myself. It is difficult. I did not want you to leave once you knew.”

“Knew what?” Jim wondered.

“That I do not feel sexual desire.” Spock looked away then. “I am sorry, Jim, I understand this has been... an unacceptable hurdle in our relationship. I do not wish to keep you here when I cannot give you something you need.”

Jim frowned. “Are you saying you’re asexual?”

Spock looked at him then, seeming surprised Jim wasn’t angry. Jim tried to look reassuring but he was trying to piece everything together.

“I do not find that I identify with what I understand as being asexual,” Spock decided slowly. “Though I suppose-“

“No, stop. If that’s not how you identify then don’t try and put yourself in the box, it’ll just hurt you.” Jim moved a little closer and Spock’s eyes widened marginally. “Spock... god, I was so scared you didn’t want to be with me or something. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I was, I find myself ashamed to admit, afraid. I did not want to lose you.” Spock’s ear tips turned green and Jim smiled. “Being on Earth is much easier with you _ashayam_.”

Jim reached a hand up to trace Spock’s ear as it continued darkening. Spock always became so embarrassed when he admitted his illogical emotions about Jim. He found it endearing and sad. He wanted Spock to be comfortable sharing all of himself with Jim, not just the parts he knew wouldn’t be rebuffed.

“You called me that the night I came here drunk,” Jim commented. “What does it mean?”

“It is an endearment,” Spock admitted. “It means ‘beloved’.”

Jim grinned. “Beloved...”

“You are.”

“Are what?”

“Beloved of me.” Spock couldn’t look at him so Jim reached around and turned Spock’s face to look at him.

“I love you, Spock,” Jim murmured. And he did. He wasn’t about to walk away just because Spock didn’t want him sexually. He felt the same about Jim as he did about Spock and that was enough. He hoped. Well... he’d done alright so far, he was sure he could keep it up. He loved Spock enough to try. He rested his forehead against Spock’s and shut his eyes, mourning for a moment all of his fantasies involving Spock.

He felt his boyfriend still and then gasp.

“Jim... you are continually forgetting, I am a touch telepath,” Spock said, voice strained. Jim pulled back. Spock looked a mix of shocked, awed and upset. “It is illogical but I wish I could give you what you desire.”

“You really don’t feel any physical response to me?” Jim wondered.

Spock considered. “I find you incredibly aesthetically pleasing. Your form is attractive. And your face is... beautiful.” Spock hesitated but took Jim’s hand lightly. “But I have not felt any of the symptoms common with arousal. When I hold your hand like this though, and I can feel your mind brushing against mine there is... a kind of desire...”

Jim raised his eyebrow in a poor mimicry of Spock. “Care to elaborate?”

“Your mind is... fascinating. It is vibrant, pure and deep. I would... very much like to meld with you, Jim.”

“You mean... like our minds-“

“Together and one.” Spock nodded. “Only with your consent. I would not perform a meld on someone who did not agree fully.”

Jim considered. What Spock was offering was even more intimate than sex. He knew that much. But he didn’t know if wanted Spock to see everything inside him. He loved him and he trusted him but... would it send Spock packing? All the baggage that came along with Jim Kirk?

But Spock looked so hopeful. Jim could definitely see that spark of desire Spock mentioned.

“If it would help, I can perform a shallow meld first, one that would only allow our minds to touch but would not go into deep thoughts and feelings,” Spock offered. “It would help you decide if it is something you would allow me to do for us.”

Jim liked that. ‘For us’. This wasn’t something just for Spock, this was his offer of giving Jim something with him to substitute his desires and satisfy Spock’s. A compromise. That’s something relationships needed right?

Jim nodded. “Go ahead.”

Spock moved closer to Jim and took his face in his hands, looking at him with a softness Jim had very rarely seen in his expression.

“I would prefer for us to lie on my bed,” Spock commented and Jim went with him gladly. They lay down side by side and Spock pressed his fingertips gently onto Jim’s face. “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.”

At first nothing happened and then Jim could feel it, a foreign presence pressing against his mind. It felt strange, almost like the pressure that accompanied a headache but not painful. Spock’s thoughts were gentle as they brushed his and Jim latched onto them, tugging them.

_Easy, ashayam, or you will pull us into a deeper meld_.

_What if I want it?_

Jim liked feeling Spock in his mind. His thoughts were warm and welcoming, filled with an affection for Jim that he’d been worried wasn’t there. Spock hesitated on going further into Jim’s mind but he continued to tug until Spock’s consciousness fell right into his and Jim was filled with a brilliant light that he welcomed happily.

It felt like coming home.

Everything about them was one now, rather than separate. Their minds pressed together and caressed lovingly. Jim was unsure how long they just floated, their very beings entwined but Spock did withdraw after much too short a time.

_I do not want to overwhelm you, we will build up to more_ , he promised on his way out. Jim tried to hold onto him tightly, not wanting to lost this feeling. Spock’s amusement soothed him. _Soon, ashayam, we will do this again soon_.

When Jim came to, he was kissing Spock, pressing their bodies tightly together. He didn’t remember doing this and Spock seemed surprised too. He withdrew slightly and frowned, breath a little heavier than normal.

“What?” Jim asked.

“I feel...” Spock frowned again, stroking Jim’s face gently where his fingers had pressed into his psi-points. “Never mind, it is gone. I am pleased however that you enjoyed the meld.”

“When can we do it again?” Jim asked eagerly.

“Perhaps tonight?” Spock considered. Jim nodded and took Spock’s hand to give him several kisses before he slowly sat up.

“Tonight,” he agreed. Spock looked up at him, eyes warm.

+x

Spock had lied to Jim.

He knew what he had felt as they came out of their first meld but it was not until several melds later that he knew it hadn’t been a fluke. The desire he felt to connect to Jim’s mind had fuelled a secondary desire he thought lost to him. Feeling Jim’s mind, so golden and bright wrapping around his own was not only mentally stimulating, but physically stimulating too. Jim’s brilliance of intellect and spirit was something Spock unconsciously craved.

Now he knew he craved it.

When they had first begun courting, every brush of bare skin had left Spock was a strong desire to feel Jim’s mind fully rather than simply the skim of it. It was what had made him agree to see him in the first place. At the first meeting of the Xenolinguistics club, Jim’s finger had brushed his wrist when he’d expressed the unspoken desire to have Spock for his speaking partner. He had felt vibrancy and intelligence. A person Spock wanted to know. He knew he would end up gravitating towards such a man so he accepted, wanting to know him better.

He could never have imagined how it would turn out.

Now, whenever he felt a brush of their skin, the same desire to meld rose up in him accompanied now by a flame of something hotter and more animalistic. The urge to take his mate.

Spock shook his head of those thoughts each time they happened. He had never felt them before in his life. But now, after several long, deep melds with Jim, they were there. Taunting him.

Part of him was relieved. He may be able to satisfy Jim as a partner after all.

The other part of him was still scared. The fact that those urges existed did not change the fact that he felt not physical signs of arousal outside the occasional stutter in his pulse. He had not gained an erection during a meld as Jim did sometimes – a fact he became embarrassed about and usually tried to leave, not wanting to pressure Spock or leave him feeling inadequate as it had before.

Spock tried not to dwell on these thoughts as Jim would be arriving soon.

He had seen Spock’s chess set in a box in his wardrobe and requested they play. He didn’t know how much of a challenge Jim would be but was willing to humour him. Allowing Jim his illogical fantasies was his duty as his partner. If he wanted Jim to be his bondmate, and he did, he would have to accept his Human tendencies.

He heard the console on his door buzz and moved to let Jim in. Jim’s blue eyes were vibrant today as he had changed from his cadet uniform into a blue shirt and jeans. Spock tried to ignore the thoughts revolving around those pants and how they showed off Jim’s ass perfectly. Jim greeted him with two extended fingers and a bright smile. Spock accepted the kiss and stepped back to allow him in.

“Oh good, you set it up, I was worried I’d have to force you,” Jim grinned. “I brought take out, by the way, your favourite.”

He held up a bag and Spock nodded, heart warming. He felt his intense love for Jim grow ever more each time he did something small like bringing Spock his favourite tea or food, or lending him one of the antique books he had inherited from George Kirk.

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock brought him over to the chess table and they sat, putting the food aside for after their game. “I will remind you, I am a ranked grandmaster so do not be disappointed if this does not go as you imagined.”

“Spock,” Jim sighed dramatically. Spock eyed his mischievous expression. “Baby, you have to stop underestimating me.”

Spock felt his ears burn at the endearment. He wasn’t sure how he felt being compared to an infant.

Jim had white so he moved first.

After his partner’s first few moves Spock felt confident in his initial assumption. Until the first piece taken was one of his own. He blinked in surprise and studied the board before moving again, setting up a trap. He assumed Jim was going to fall for it but he had set up his own trap and managed to capture Spock’s queen side rook and a pawn in two consecutive moves. He felt his brow furrow and he moved again. They continued playing for a long time and Spock became increasingly frustrated and then awed. Jim’s playing style was like the man himself, utterly illogical in every sense but brilliant.

Spock stared at Jim as he placed Spock in check.

“Checkmate in three,” Jim grinned, eyes twinkling as he met Spock’s gaze, their fingers brushing as Jim removed the taken knight. Spock continued to stare, the primal urges of _take, mark, mate_ coming back to him with the feather-light touch of their minds. But this time there was something else. A stirring low in his gut, and a heat sweeping through him.

“Uh...” Jim seemed to sense the change in Spock’s demeanour. “I’m sorry? I told you I was good... Spock?”

Spock continued to gaze at him and then allowed his eyes to travel lower, taking in the golden skin of his throat, his pulse thrumming away under his jaw, speeding up a little under Spock’s scrutiny. He continued down, taking in the shape of Jim’s torso in his shirt and then Spock growled because the table was between them, obscuring the rest of him from view.

“Spock... are you okay? You look flushed...”

“I find I do not wish to continue the game.” Spock wasn’t even sure he had control over his own words. This had been building between them since their first meld. He couldn’t ignore it any longer.

“Because I’m beating you? Come on, don’t be a sore-“

Jim didn’t get to finished because Spock moved around the table and pushed him off his chair onto the carpet, their mouths connecting. Jim made a sound of surprise but then fell into the contact. Spock kissed him fiercely, delighting in the feel of Jim’s lips moulding to his and opening at his demand. It was then that his Human seemed to come to his senses because he pushed at Spock’s shoulders.

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly, cheeks flushed and lips beginning to swell. Spock felt immense satisfaction that his mate looked like this because of him. “Spock... you don’t have to do this. I told you, I’m okay with it.”

“I want this,” Spock disagreed. Moving his mouth down to nip and suck at Jim’s pulse. He moaned softly and his hands slid around to Spock’s back, fingers digging in.

“Why now? You said you... _god_... didn’t feel anything physical with me...”

“I do not know how to explain it,” Spock replied. “Perhaps I can show you.”

Jim’s pupils dilated at the thought of melding and Spock obliged him with a sense of smugness. Jim’s mind drew him in gladly and Spock pressed forth his desire. An echoing feeling met him from Jim’s mind and they fell into each other with a fervour Spock did not think possible.

He removed Jim’s clothing with minimal care, ending up tearing his shirt before lowering his mouth to Jim’s chest and exploring, listening with a possessive growl to all of the sounds he managed to evoke. Jim was unable to remain quiet as Spock undressed him and explored his body with his mouth and fingers. He disconnected their meld during this process but followed the signals from the psychic contact he received through their skin to bring his mate optimum pleasure.

Jim pulled him back up at one point to kiss him again, his tongue pressing into Spock’s mouth eagerly as he hands worked to divest him of his uniform. When they were both naked and Jim pulled Spock’s hips down so their cocks met, Spock pressed his hand once more to Jim’s face. Their dual pleasure meant they moved together, thrusting against each other, for only a few minutes before they both reached climax, their minds exploding with intense heat and love. Spock stilled against Jim and slowly disconnected their minds, not wanting to harm Jim as his mind rested so satisfied and peaceful in Spock’s embrace.

Jim woke slowly as Spock moved off him, mindful of the mess on their stomachs.

“Wow...” Jim turned his head before rolling his body over to Spock’s and burrowing into his side. Spock felt the happiness radiating from Jim and he pressed a hand into Jim’s hair, feeling content. “I don’t... I still don’t understand... us melding made you become attracted to me?”

“I was already attracted to you, Jim,” Spock disagreed. “You are my _ashayam_. I am emotionally, intellectually and spiritually attracted to you. It was only the physical attraction, the need for sexual intercourse, I was lacking.”

Jim frowned. “And the melds made you get that?”

Spock pondered that for a moment. “It could be see that way,” he allowed. “But I believe it was more the newfound intimacy between us awoke the urge for another kind of intimacy. Mental intimacy is of course much deeper but one cannot deny the benefits of physical intimacy.”

Jim grinned. “Definitely not... So, that wasn’t a one-off then?”

“I do not know...”

They were silent for a moment, Spock basking in Jim’s emotions and sleepy thoughts. Spock was sure they were about to fall asleep, sticky and naked on the floor of his room when Jim spoke again.

“Bones was right.”

Spock frowned. “What was Doctor McCoy correct about?”

“Me beating you at chess made you hot for me. Chess is totally Vulcan foreplay.”


End file.
